Amazing Dog
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by.
They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
today's competiton is very..but at least i've done my best on it..
ReplyDelete找厕所
ReplyDelete这天，大毛正在路上走，突然他觉得肚子“咕噜咕噜”地闹腾了起来，可顺着马路向前，走了半天也没有一个厕所，不得已，只好拐进了路边一家公司的大门。
大毛进去的时候，门卫看了他一眼，并没有说什么。然而，当他方便完了要出来的时候，那门卫却拦住了他，问：“喂，进来干什么的？”
“找个人。”大毛向来好面子，便想说个谎话圆过去。
“找谁？”
“哦，找……找那个办公室主任，可他现在不在公司。”大毛本以为自己这么一说，就该放他走了。没想到，那门卫用手指了指不远处的一个中年男子，说：“那不是办公室王主任吗？走，我带你过去找他。”大毛一愣，心里一阵懊悔：早知道刚才直接说是来借厕所的，也不至于如此尴尬！没办法，他只得硬着头皮跟门卫去找王主任。
见了面，大毛正不知该怎么说才好，王主任却先开口了：“小伙子，你一定是‘大力’搬家公司的吧？你们经理也真是的，说好了来两个人的，怎么只来了你一个？”
大毛这小子贼精贼精的，他见王主任误把自己当成了搬家公司的工人，当下就毫不犹豫地点头道：“对对对，我是‘大力’搬家公司的。”
于是，王主任领大毛来到一个旧仓库门口，让他把里面的货物用板车装了，倒腾到几十米外的一个新仓库里去。大毛顿时傻眼了，可虽然心里有一百个不情愿，事情到了这一步，他也只得脱下外套，进去搬起了货物……
大毛足足忙活了一个多小时，直累得手脚发软，才把那些货物给倒腾完了。这时，王主任过来说：“这次的搬运费，我们会和前几次的一并付给你们。小伙子，你先回去吧！”大毛听了，如获大赦，连忙走人。
走出那家公司的大门，大毛长长舒了口气，心说：今天这厕所上得可真不容易！一阵冷风袭来，大毛不由得抱紧了双臂，这下他突然想起：坏了，外套还在旧仓库里放着呢！
大毛急匆匆地往回赶，走到那家公司大门口时，觉得还是得和门卫打个招呼为好。这时，传达室的门虚掩着，大毛走到近前，刚要敲门，突然听到一个声音从屋里传了出来：“老张啊，现在公司里还有啥零活儿没有？”大毛听出这是王主任的声音。王主任话音刚落，从屋里就传来了那个门卫的声音：“没有了，一点儿都没有了。”
王主任嘿嘿笑了几声，说道：“哎，今天好不容易想出个倒腾货物的活儿，也被刚才那傻小子给干完了。没办法啊，谁让这年头好面子的傻瓜如此多呢？这已经是今天的第四个了！”
1、我们已走得太远，以至于我们忘了为什么而出发。
ReplyDelete2、没有抛弃人的梦想，只有抛弃梦想的人，再牛逼的梦想，也抵不住傻逼似的坚持！
3、就算，眼前的这个男人，千般好，万般好，处处是优点，他不爱你，这个缺点，你永远改变不了。
4、当你春风得意时，留点空白给思考，莫让得意冲昏头脑。当你痛苦时，留点空白给安慰，莫让痛苦窒息心灵。当你烦恼时，留点空白给快乐，烦恼就会是浮云。当你孤独时，留点空白给友谊，真诚的友谊是第二个自我。当你失落时，留点空白给希望，希望是你的指路明灯。
5、有时候执着是一种负担，放弃是一种解脱。人没有完美，幸福没有一百分。知道自己没有能力一次拥有那么多，也没有权力要求那么多，否则苦了自己，也为难了对方。
6、我们都是销魂之后感到悲哀的动物。
7、当身边的朋友说你是疯子的时候，成功离你不远了。
8、你若不想做，会找到一个借口；你若想做，会找到一个方法。
9、相交甚深的密友，就如同沙漠中的古陶，摔碎一件就少一件，再也找不到一模一样的成品了。
10、多心的人注定活得辛苦，因为太容易被別人的情绪所左右。多心的人总是胡思乱想，结果是困在一团乱麻般的思绪中，动弹不得。有时候，与其多心，不如少根筋。
11、太爱一个人，你会无原则地容忍他，慢慢地他习惯于这种纵容，无视你对他的付出。他会习惯你对他的好，而忘了自己也应该付出，忘了你一样需要得到回报，他完全被你宠坏了。不要以为你爱对方十分，他也会爱你十分。爱是不讲道理的，爱是不公平的。
12、如果当初我勇敢，结局是不是不一样。如果当时你坚持，回忆会不会不这样。有时候，一个人的失踪，孤独了一个世界。
13、爱上你不是错，错的是，我没让你爱上我。我等你，直到我不再爱你，我想你，直到我不再伤心。
14、看似没心没肺的人其实挺容易感伤，都压在很深的地方，碰到一点阳光，碰到一点相似的情节，碰到一点熟悉的背影，甚至碰到一点眉眼，就会不知所措地惊慌逃亡。
15、你若渴了，水便是天堂；你若累了，床便是天堂；你若失败了，成功便是天堂；你若是痛苦，快乐便是天堂。你若孤独，爱情便是天堂。你若被困，远方便是天堂。总之，没有其中一样，断然不会有另一样的。天堂是地狱的终极，地狱是天堂的走廊。失败者走过了九十九，成功者只走过了一。
16、我深信，会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的，我多想一个不小心就和他白头偕老。
17、千万个美丽的未来，抵不上一个温暖的现在；每一个真实的现在，都是我们曾经幻想的未来。
18、喜欢一个人，是看到了他的优点；爱一个人，是包容了他的缺点。喜欢，是一种心情；爱，是一种感情。
19、人最软弱的地方，是舍不得。舍不得一段不再精采的感情，舍不得一份虚荣，舍不得掌声。我们永远以为最好的日子是会很长很长的，不必那么快离开，但就在我们心软和缺乏勇气的时候，最好的日子毫不留情地逝去了。
20、真正的爱，是接受，不是忍受；是支持，不是支配；是慰问，不是质问。真正的爱，要道谢，也要道歉；要体贴，也要体谅；要认错，也好改错。真正的爱，不是彼此凝视，而是共同沿着同一方向望去。
Old Rooster
ReplyDeleteA farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says
"OK, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens....look at what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you,"
The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?
The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you,"
They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken to cluck "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to KFC heaven.
He shakes his head gloomily and says, "Son of a bitch...third gay rooster I bought this week!"
Hey Lady!!
ReplyDeleteA lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."